Finding a Mentor
Table of contents
Chapter 1: How To Go About Finding A Business Coach or Mentor
The crucial part of choosing your business coach or mentor is knowing what it is exactly that you need mentoring for. What is your goal? What do you want to achieve? The right mentor for you is the one who has accomplished what you are trying to achieve.
A mistake that some people make is choosing their mentor when they aren’t even sure on what they want in life. Perhaps, the mentor that they chose has done something that inspired them, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that they are the right mentor for you.
The first step in your journey is to know what the destination is. People who accomplished their goals took their first step towards it by identifying what it is. This goes the same for your coach. The person who can lead you in the right direction should be someone who had taken that path as well. You can’t give someone directions to somewhere you’ve never been to.
What about when you haven’t figured out what you want in life? Can a mentor help me decide on the goals that I want?
Another person can’t help you when you don’t even know what you need help for. Finding your goal must come naturally from you. No business coach should dictate what goal you need to aim for; they can only guide you towards the goal that you choose. Even if the idea is vague, it should still be specific. Do you want to succeed in business? Find a mentor who has a successful business.
When I wanted to write a book, it was clear that he was the right mentor for me. While I was writing my book, he would check on me every day to make sure that I was writing. He read my work, gave comments and ideas, and soon enough, the book that I worked on for almost a year was ready.
From the beginning, I knew what I wanted to do. By knowing what the goal was, it was simpler to follow the path towards it. I knew my mentor would be the right person because he’s been there, and done that. He understood my struggles and knew how to overcome them.
When I approached other people with my dreams, they all had one advice: get a college degree. That is what society has been telling us, right? Get a degree to be successful. But in reality, or at least the reality that I’ve witnessed, that wasn’t the case. You don’t need a degree to reach your goals, and getting a degree doesn’t guarantee your success either. It’s still up to the person themselves.
It’s not like I’m saying that formal education doesn’t matter. Of course, it does. But not finishing college with flying colors shouldn’t be the end of your road. There are other ways to learn the path you want to take. Some learn by getting a degree, some learn by experience and self-teaching. Some learn by having the right mentor to guide them.
Activity:
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What part of your life do you want to improve on? Career, relationships, financial?
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Considering your answer to number 1, what exactly about it do you want to learn about? Are you interested in entering a career in music? Do you want to find out how to budget your finances?
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Now, think of the people you know who have achieved your answer to number 2. It can be someone you know, someone you’ve only heard about, or someone from the other side of the world! What’s important is that there’s proof that they’ve accomplished this or have what you want.
Chapter 2: What About Meeting Your Business Coach
Congratulations! You have a list of potential mentors who can help you out. Now the question is, how do you approach them? Given their success, you’re not the only one who wants to be mentored by them. You need to stand out from the crowd. Show them that you’re worth their time. But, how?
Know your Mentor
Of course, when you chose your mentor, you should be aware who they are and what they’ve accomplished. But only recognizing their achievements is not enough. Anyone who can type their name in Google can do that.
Show them how dedicated you are. Follow them on social media. Comment on their blog posts. Do they hold or attend events? Go to them! Interact! Let them know that you’re their biggest fan. Buy their books, listen to their interviews and talks. Strike a meaningful conversation with them by responding to their online posts. Give feedback about their products and books.
The bottom line is: build a connection with your ideal mentor. Not only will this attract their attention, but this will also help you decide if they really are the mentor for you. Knowing what the person has achieved is different from knowing who they are. The more that you interact with them, the more clues that you can get to see what kind of mentoring they can give you. From there, you can decide if their mentoring is the right one for you.
Give Your Coach Something To Work With
This second step has to be yours. Give your mentor something that would make them consider that you are worth their time.
When the time came that I was searching for a new path to take, it was when I decided that I needed a mentor. I responded to his tweets, I joined is seminars and live shows. I did my best to contribute to his activities; I asked essential questions and opened topics related to his work.
I sought for every opportunity that I could to interact. I had to stand out from the rest of his fans. I volunteered to be his assistant during one of his events, and it was that opportunity that I got his attention. I mentioned my book to him, and he immediately volunteered to help me out with it. Lo and behold, what I’ve struggled to write for months was finished in weeks!
I gave my potential mentor my time and effort. I wasn’t just a fan of his work; I was someone who engaged and helped out. I became someone who was worth their time and effort. Before I asked for his help, I asked myself: what can I do for him?
Give and You Shall Receive
Every relationship revolves around giving and receiving. This goes the same for a mentor-mentee relationship.
There are potential mentors out there who aren’t active on social media or holding workshops. There are those who aren’t public figures. If the mentor you want is one of them, then you might be wondering how you can even interact with them. In this case, you just have to be creative.
Ever heard of the idea that we’re all connected? Well, that idea is more of a fact than ever before! With social media and the internet connecting all of us, we’re bound by something one way or another. We just need to find the breadcrumbs that would lead us to that person we want.
No matter who the person is, we’re connected to them in one way or another. You could be a college kid struggling between classes, but there is still a connection between you and a billionaire with companies all across the world.
Think about it and be creative! No one is out of reach.
Activity:
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How can you interact with your mentor? Where are they in social media? Do they have events you can attend? List them down and think of ways you can grab their attention.
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If your mentor is not a public figure, how else can you build a connection with them?
Chapter 3: Why Would A Potential Mentor Say ‘No’?
A mentoring relationship can be in two ways: one-on-one and through the web. On both occasions, many have made mistakes that cost them to lose their mentors. Before you seek for yours, keep in mind to not make these mistakes.
One-on-one Mentoring
A one-on-one mentoring is when you interact face-to-face or through other means like phone calls. Here are some tips when having a one-on-one mentoring relationship:
Entitlement
It’s not uncommon for people to think of themselves first. It’s our natural instinct of self-preservation or survival. But when it comes to relationships, like a mentoring relationship, this way of thinking can have some consequences.
Initially, you might be thinking like this:
“What can this person do for me?”
“What do I get out of their mentoring?”
Did you ever wonder how the mentoring can benefit your mentor? Don’t feel guilty if you didn’t. As I said, this is common to us.
As mentioned before, there are many people out there who’d love to be mentored by the same person that you are aiming for. Sure, you got their attention by going the extra mile for them. But how do you maintain their interest if the relationship becomes one-sided after that?
At this point, you need your mentor more than your mentor needs you. They have other businesses to attend to and even more people who’d want to take your position on their side. Make mentoring you worth their time and effort.
Keep Your Eyes on the Prize
The first step in getting a mentor is knowing what you want. Make sure that you’re set on that goal. Having second thoughts will just lead to confusion and delays. This goes for both you and your mentor.
You don’t need to know every step towards your goal. You just need to know what your goal is and be determined in going after it.
Talk to your mentor about this. Let them see what you want and how they can help you. You can even share your doubts and weaknesses to them so that they’ll know how to pull you out of them as well.
Focus on your target, make the first step, and keep moving.
Guide Your Mentor
It’s one thing to be inspired by someone from afar. Being mentored by that person is another. Let your mentor know that they’re mentoring you. Talk to them; get into a middle ground between how you want to be mentored and how they can mentor you. Create your plan of attack together and follow it through.
Know Your Limits
Part of your plan of attack is knowing when and how often you will communicate with each other. Both you and your mentor have lives outside of your relationship. Plan a schedule on when you can report to them. There will be times when you are tempted to reach out to them outside of that schedule. Play out this scenario with your mentor, too.
Know how and when you can contact them and maximize each communication.
If you need your mentor for something important outside of your scheduled communication, leave them a message and ask when you can contact them. Respect each other’s boundaries.
Web-Based Mentoring
Living in the digital world, it’s easier for us to communicate with each other. We can talk to someone from the other side of the world without getting up from our beds. Nowadays, we can even work at the comforts of our home without even meeting any of our co-workers or bosses face-to-face.
This also means that being mentored by someone can be that easy as well. You can meet your mentor online or on a trip and continue the interacting with them online.
With the tools available to us, we can work on many tasks with someone without meeting them in person. But with its advantages comes with many possibilities, some of which may have a negative impact.
Here are some tips in maintaining a web-based mentoring relationship:
Making a Good First Impression
What’s the first thing you see when meeting someone online? Their profile photo.
A person’s profile photo can say a lot about them. I’ve come across people online with no profile picture, with photos of them looking professionally, and others looking poorly dressed. This doesn’t necessarily mean that those people with a professional looking photo are more responsible in life, while the others aren’t. But how many of us are willing to give each request a chance to make a better impression?
If they aren’t impressed with your profile photo, your potential mentor may not be ready to give you an opportunity to prove yourself to them. Before you send them the first message, make sure your profile photo will give a good impression.
What Do You Say?
Some people think that sounding like they’re in dire need of help will catch a mentor’s attention and sympathy. In truth, this is more likely to make your mentor cringe and close the message.
No one wants the responsibility of having a complete stranger’s fate in their hands. You may get some moral support from the mentor-to-be, but it’s unlikely that they’ll agree to mentor you.
When interacting with your mentor, be determined, not desperate. This will show that you are worth their time.
Keep it Simple
When starting a conversation with your mentor, you may feel shy and uncertain. Many would just start with a “hi” or a “good morning,” but don’t know how to move the conversation forward. This wastes both yours and your mentor’s time and would have your mentor lose interest in you.
Remember, your chosen mentor is busy with their own lives. If you want to ask them to mentor you, say it straight and keep it simple. Tell them what you’re looking for and how they can help. Keep it short and straight to the point.
Don’t use jargons and abbreviations.
Social Media Background
What you post in your social media reflects who you are. There are many occasions when I received a message from someone wanting me to mentor them. Their messages are concise and even touching. But the moment I checked their Facebook timeline or past tweets, it’s easier to say no to them.
Having indecent posts or simply being inconsistent with what you post and what you say on your message will certainly be frowned upon. Remember that anyone you add on Facebook or anyone who knows your Twitter account or blog can see what you post. This goes the same for your potential mentor.
Keep your posts clean and consistent. This advice is not only for getting a mentor. You social media background significantly affects people’s opinion of you.
Be Proactive
Social media platforms allow you to interact with people from anywhere across the globe. Even if you’re not Facebook friends with them, you can comment on their posts, get into the same online groups as they are in, and interact with them on their blogs.
Get your mentor’s attention first through constant interactions everywhere else before sending in your request to be mentored. This will make it easier for you to gain their attention and have them read through your message. It will also establish a better chance of your request being accepted.
Not all web-based mentoring stays online. A lot can change over time. What starts as an online mentoring can pave the way to a one-on-one friendship. It can also be the other way around, where you continue your online mentoring after starting out as a one-on-one mentoring. Either way, make sure to remember the tips and be careful not to make the mistakes that other made.
Activity:
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Which of the mistakes mentioned above have you done before?
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What will you do to make a good impression on your mentor?
Chapter 4: How to Keep Your Business Coach
You know what you want, you know the mentor you want, and you know how to get their attention. Now, how are you going to maintain your mentor-mentee relationship?
Even though your mentor has already accepted you, they can still turn their back on you if they needed or want to. And after all that you invested into getting a mentor, you wouldn’t want that to happen.
So, what do you do during your mentorship?
What Kind of Mentor are they?
The first advice I can give you is to know your mentor. Sure, when you chose your mentor and worked our way to gain their attention, you got to know who your mentor is. But being in a mentor-mentee relationship will open to new things to learn about each other.
While some mentors would want to keep things casual with their mentee, others want to maintain a professional relationship. Some would treat you like a friend; some would be a strict teacher. You must know which applies to your mentor and how you can work with it. Otherwise, they might lose interest in you, or they might see you as someone who is not taking their mentorship seriously.
Quick tip: It wouldn’t hurt to ask.
Mind the Time
Your mentor has a life of their own. You should appreciate the fact that they’re squeezing some time to mentor you. Respect your mentor’s time. Be punctual and don’t procrastinate. This would be one of the easiest ways to lose a mentor.
Make a schedule for yourself based on what you and your mentor agreed upon, and stick to it. If you need your mentor’s opinion about something, give them time to get back to you. Your mentor can’t abandon everything in their life to help you so make sure to appreciate what they’re doing for you.
Unless it’s an absolute emergency, don’t message or call them at odd hours. They have to sleep, too! And just because they’re available on Skype or online on Facebook, that doesn’t mean that you can just message or call them either. Ask their permission first, or ask when the best time to communicate with them is. Again, it wouldn’t hurt to ask.
Don’t be Dependent
Sometimes, having such a great mentor is overwhelming. Sometimes, you rely on your mentor’s words at each step of the way. They’re the experts after all, right?
Your mentor is using their own time and effort to help you, but you have to remember that this is still on you. This is your duty, and they’re only helping you out by pointing you in the right direction.
Before you ask your mentor about something, make sure that you’ve done what you can to get to that step. Make things as easy as you can for your mentor. Do the legwork, present what you got and ask for their guidance. Your mentor is not your brain, so use yours before you seek for their ideas. Otherwise, they’ll grow tired of you. No one will help you if you can’t help yourself.
Learn the Way You Learn
Every teacher is different. The same way goes for the students. Some learn by action, some learn by observing. The questions now are: How do you learn? And how does this match to how your mentor teaches?
When I was being mentored, they’d tell me things that seemed simple, and yet I found it hard to apply to my own work. It’s like moving on from the past. The concept is understandable, but the application is different from one person to the other.
This would be a difficult situation for both you and your mentor. There will be times when they’ll give you advice, you understand it correctly, but when you’re about to do that advice, you find yourself lost. Sometimes, you do what they tell you, only to see that you and your mentor have different perspectives about the concept.
So, what do you do about it? Learn the best method to teach yourself. By doing this, it could also be a factor on how you chose your mentor. It’s convenient to find a mentor who can teach you the best way you can be taught.
Pick a subject and try to learn it in different ways. Check out a book about it, watch a documentary about it, or listen to someone talk about it. Figure out which one gave you a better understanding and dissect why you understood it better this way. Was it how it was told? Maybe you’re a visual learner! Bring this up to your mentor and see what you can do to make your mentoring relationship more efficient.
Take it like a Pro
One mentor’s job is to provide their opinion on your work. One mistake that any mentee can make is to take the comment personally.
Remember that no matter how casual your relationship with your mentor is, your mentorship is a professional matter. Your mentor’s opinion is for your growth and achievement. But it may not come in a pretty package.
Learn how to take constructive criticism and apply it to your work. You sought for a mentor because you needed their help and their opinions are meant to help you. It’s like bitter medicine; you won’t like the taste, but you need it, so take it.
Listen
How can you be taught when you don’t listen to your teacher? Sounds simple, right?
There would come a time when your mentor’s opinion is different from yours. For you to learn, you have to be open to someone else’s words. It may not sound right at first, but give them a chance to explain what they mean entirely, and you’d be surprised at what you learn.
Some people seek for mentors but act like they know it all already. That’s a big mistake that could cut any chances of being mentored at all. People search for mentors because they don’t have everything put together. Mentors have already done that and have proof that they’ve achieved it.
Sure, their methods might not be the perfect fit for you. Still, keep in mind that theirs are tried and succeeded. Be open to their ways and test it out. Show them that you value their word because no one would mentor someone who doesn’t listen.
Take Action
We all know people who talk about great aspirations without ever lifting a finger to claim their dreams. Don’t be that person. No one is supposed to go and get your dream aside from yourself.
Think about this: you and your mentor get along and come up with an action plan to achieve your goal. Your mentor took his time to work with you on creating your plan and after he leaves you for a while for you to do your part. A few days later, he comes back to hear your report, only to find out that you did absolutely nothing. Do you think your mentor will continue with you after you wasted their time and effort?
Always remember that someone out there is willing to take your place beside your mentor. Don’t give your mentor a reason to choose that other person. Whatever the result may be, whether you failed or triumphed, what your mentor would appreciate most is that you did it. It’s better to commit to your task, make a mistake, learn from it and recreate your plan based on the result.
Don’t just nod along and absorb everything your mentor tells you. Act on it!
Make it Easy
Your mentor is doing you a favor. Your mentor is getting you to where you want to be. The least you can do is to make mentoring you comfortable for them.
As mentioned before, don’t be too dependent on your mentor. Do what you can, exhaust your resources, and when you aren’t getting what you need, only then do you approach your mentor for help. And when you ask for their help, make it easy for them to help you. Give them the tools that they’ll need to answer your questions, don’t wait for them to ask.
Don’t give your mentors a headache. Do what you can, show them you can still go the extra mile for them, even on the small things like summarizing the information that you’ve gathered so far. This could save time for the both of you as well.
Make mentoring you a good experience for them, too.
Never Forget
When you first approach your mentor, you treat them with respect. Somewhere along the way of your mentorship, there would be changes in both you and your mentor that would challenge your relationship. It could be the familiarity between you and your mentor or a disagreement. When such time comes, do your best to maintain your relationship with your mentor.
Even when your mentor-mentee relationship has come to an end, always appreciate what they’ve done for you and respect them. There is a chance that your paths will cross again in the future and you want to keep a good image in front of them, or in front of the people they know.
Sometimes, familiarity and conflict could create tides between relationships. When you’ve befriended your mentor, it’s not an opportunity to tear down boundaries set up before. When you disagree with your mentor, don’t create conflict. There’s a big difference between arguing and sharing ideas. Keep respect for each other. Otherwise, you might end up losing your mentor.
Appreciate
I know I’ve mentioned this already, but showing gratitude to your mentor goes a long way. Don’t ever get tired of thanking them. Your mentor is showing you the way where you’d otherwise be lost. Thank them every step of the way.
Other than that, let them know that you appreciate having them in your life in other ways. Remember their birthday and their anniversaries. Ask how their families are doing. Send gifts during special occasions and events.
You know when actors go to the stage at the Oscars and thank every part of the staff that was involved in the movie? Do that for your mentor! Get to your goal and announce to the world that they were the one who helped you reach it.
Activity:
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Which of the list do you well?
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Which of them do you need to improve on? What actions will you take to make sure that you can work on them?
Chapter 5: Make the Most Out of It
Some people are given the best opportunities but never make the most out of it. Some would get the best mentors they could get, but keep a distance between them and their mentors as a way of respect. But this distance could end up being missed opportunities.
So, how can you make the most out of your mentorship without overstepping your boundaries? Here are some tips that I’ve practiced that actually helped me during my mentorship.
Build Trust
Like many other relationships, trust is important. If your mentor can’t trust you, your mentorship will be limited. They wouldn’t be able to tell you their ideas and opinions if they don’t feel safe around you. They will limit their time with you and may eventually cut your mentoring short.
Be someone who they can feel comfortable around. They should be comfortable with you around their family and friends. Your mentor is also human, and humans need to trust someone to let them in their lives. Keep the things they tell you privately, and they can trust you with the secrets that got them on top.
This goes for all kinds of relationships that you’ll encounter in life: be someone trustworthy to the other person and you will get the most out of your relationship.
Show Them You Care
Asking how their day is before each interaction is okay, but gestures speak louder than this. Show them that you care about them and be genuine about it. It’s easy to spot someone who’s faking their kindness.
Listen to them when they talk about their personal life. Do your research about your mentor. Greet them during the holidays and remember their birthday and events. If you listen to their words, you’ll get clues as to what they would appreciate as a gift. Be creative and go out of your way to give them something memorable; it doesn’t have to be expensive.
This would not only show them that you care about them, but this also indicates that you listen and remember what they’re saying. Giving them gifts aren’t only restricted to special occasions, try giving them something to show your appreciation when you’ve reached a milestone during your mentorship.
Be someone who genuinely cares for them, and they can do the same for you.
Take the Initiative
Your mentor will not ask you for help directly, so you have to take the initiative. Much like showing that you care, listen and observe what your mentors are doing or saying. They may mention something that they’re having trouble with, and as long as it is something that you can actually help it, jump right in and help.
Remember: Go the extra mile! When you visit their offices, observe what else they could need and get it as a gift for them. Be someone efficient to them and always be willing to help out.
Instead of asking what you can do for them, offer what you can do. Who knows, this could show your mentor that you can be more than a mentee to them.
Know When to Keep Quiet
You may encounter moments where your mentor would complain about someone else. It could be a member of their family, a friend, a staff member, or another mentee. A lot would make the mistake of empathizing with their mentor by complaining about that person as well. This wouldn’t do anyone any good.
Know when not to voice your opinion. Your mentor is not looking for someone to bash that person with; they’re just either venting out or telling you not to make the same mistake as the other person. What you do is just listen to them.
Don’t amplify their emotions by chiming in and complain about the other person. Pacify their feelings. Help them move past it or, under certain conditions, offer advice if you need to.
Focus on the Good
Your mentors are human. Humans are flawed. There will be times when not only do you disagree with your mentors but you are also put off by their behaviors too. When you start to see the human side of your idol, your perspective of them might change. You might start to think that their achievements and skills are less important.
Don’t be blinded by this! Everyone has their ups and downs. You just have to accept the weaknesses and flaws that your mentors have. Remind yourself why you asked for their help. Focus on the good, and live with the bad.
Activity:
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Are you a trustworthy person?
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Do you genuinely care about people?
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Are you ready to go the extra mile for them?
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When faced with a mentor or a superior, do you feel the urge to support every comment that they make?
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Have you ever been distracted by someone’s flaws?
Chapter 6: When to Step Away
I did mention that your mentor will be flawed once you get to know them. I know that I said that you shouldn’t be distracted by their flaws. But there are such traits that would raise red flags. You should know what you cannot just ignore and when you should turn away from your mentor.
Even though your mentor is helping you out, there are still boundaries that need to be set. Much like how you should respect your mentor, your mentor should also respect you.
Here are some things that should be avoided in your mentoring relationship:
Don’t Break You Code
We all have a code that we live by. These are personal rules and boundaries that we set up for ourselves. If you don’t have rules set for yourself, then that is your code. When it comes to mentoring or any relationship for that matter, avoid ones that would have you break your own code.
For example, if your religion is essential to you and your mentor is highly against this religion, then avoid having that topic during your mentoring. If it can’t be avoided, then it’s best to turn away. Or if you figure out that your mentor has achieved his rewards through illegal means, this may be in conflict with your own code. Again, turn away and find someone else to mentor you.
As I said before, respect should go both of ways. If some behaviors or methods go against your code, let your mentor know about it and see if there is away to avoid this. If not, then it’s best to find another mentor for you.
Learn What Abuse Is
At face value, people aren’t always what they seem. Someone who seems suspicious might actually be kind, while others who look like saints might show their flaws behind closed doors. While I did tell you to focus on the good and live with the bad, there are just some bad things that shouldn’t be ignored.
People treat other people differently. One can be kind to their family while being strict and irritable towards co-workers. However, if your mentor physically harms you, like slapping you when you’ve disappointed them, or emotionally abuses you, like insulting you in public, then there shouldn’t be any second thoughts. Turn away and leave.
No matter who your mentor is, no one should tolerate that kind of behavior. Even if your mentor is on the cover of Forbes Magazine, if they cannot tell the difference between constructive criticism and abuse, then they’re not worth your time. Any form of sexual harassment is also inexcusable. Your life and self-worth are far more important that your mentoring relationship. If your mentor commits any abuse – might it be physical, emotional, or sexual – then run away and don’t turn back. There are other mentors out there who have achieved greatness without abusing their power.
Don’t be blinded by the idea of losing your mentor. What’s more important is your life and dignity. There are others out there who don’t have to cross the boundaries to mentor you, so don’t be afraid of putting yourself first.
Activity:
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What are the boundaries that need to be set between you and your mentor?
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Given what you answered above, are you afraid of losing a mentor over these reasons? Why or why not?
Chapter 7: Follow the Cycle
Now, I’ve taught you how to find your mentor, gain their attention, and maintain a good mentor-mentee relationship.
This journey will be a significant factor in your self-growth and in achieving your dreams.
Mentoring has been part of our society for generations. Most great men in our history were also mentored by someone. Back then, young men are sent to assist in the business of older men. During this time, they learn the ways of business and even taught the skills of the men who run it. After many years, these younger men will carry what they’ve learned and started a business of their own. Later on, they will take in an apprentice who they will teach. And so, the cycle goes on.
Even today, many found their success by being mentored by someone. Even Oprah Winfrey found a mentor in the late author and poet, Maya Angelou. And through their success, the skills and lessons are passed down to the next generation.
Right now, you might be wondering, “am I even fit to become someone’s mentor?” The hesitation is understandable. I’ve been there myself! I was still holding on to my mentors when I found people messaging me, asking me to mentor them.
With the right kind of mentors and the good relationship with these mentors, you will find yourself achieving your dreams and be in the position where others would seek your help as well. In fact, this is probably the same path that your mentors took to become the person you wanted to be mentored by.
The cycle continues, and it comes with responsibility. It might seem impossible for you right now, but take your time and let yourself grow. You will not notice it, but you’ll turn from being the clueless mentee to the greatest mentor a person could have.
Now, practice what you’ve learned. Find your goal, search for your business coach or mentor, gain their attention and continue the journey!